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Why do we have Stress and Anxiety?

Updated: Mar 29, 2023




Why do we have Stress and Anxiety?

by Adina Nistor

Stress and Anxiety are represented by a range of uncomfortable physical sensations and tensions in the body that are triggered by a perceived imminent danger, signaling the brain to start a chain of neurological reactions.

Stress and Anxiety are a naturally occurring neuro-biological phenomenon of the brain and body in response to a dangerous situation. Its purpose is to protect and maximize the chances of survival of an organism. The stress response is a mechanism that has helped humans survive animal attacks, hunt, and protect their tribes and families since the beginning of their very existence. The stress response is in our DNA, and every cell in our bodies contains the intelligence for the production and release of chemicals that are involved in its activation. Without the stress response we wouldn’t have survived as a species.

And yet, Stress and Anxiety are at the root of most mental-health issues; it is the number-one factor that affects wellbeing. Anxiety can cripple people from being their best selves in the world, affecting their moods, relationships, friendships, and performance and impeding their ability to function at an optimal level. When anxiety is present and the ability to soothe oneself fail to work properly, the chain of neuro-chemicals, or stress hormones, remain active, re-traumatizing the organism and maintaining it in a state of "survival terror." This is called being caught up in an "anxiety loop."

Stress as an Adaptive Response

By taking a closer look at the purpose of the stress response, we can understand its origin and function, and how it has helped us survive. The following section introduces three adaptive responses to survival. Keep in mind as you read that their purpose is strictly to ensure survival, regardless of long-term consequences and final outcome.

Stress and Anxiety have adapted to alert humans and primates of three threats to their survival:

Threat 1: It alerts us to an imminent danger in the environment, such as an attack.

Adaptive Survival Responses: React first before you think or You’ll Die!

Threat 2: If you didn’t establish a bond with your parents as a child, or if your parents don’t love you or want you, no one will take care of you and you will not survive.

Adaptive Survival Response: You have to be/make yourself loveable to your parents from the day you were born for them to love you and take care of you.

Threat 3: If you were rejected or thrown out of your tribe you will not have enough resources and protection in the wild and you will not survive!

Adaptive Survival Response: We need to connect with others in whatever way we can to be part of the tribe and therefore maximize our survival. It was adaptive for those who couldn’t connect with others to continue to conform to social norms, follow the rules and engage in people pleasing behaviors to maximize survival. We depend on our parents’ upbringing and education to connect and ensure that we will grow up into healthy and functioning adults who will make positive contributions to society.

                      Modern-Day Manifestations of the Three Survival Responses

1. React first before you think or You’ll Die!

Benefit: We developed reflexive and neurobiological reactions in the body that helped us survive by preparing our bodies for action and momentarily numbing pain (both physical and emotional) during traumatic events and battles. This has also helped during negotiations, where showing our emotions would interfere with getting a deal.

Disadvantage: We haven’t developed an effective way to process, feel through and heal emotions that were experienced as a result of traumatic events.

Instead we developed an overactive mechanism in the brain and body that leads to a chain neurobiological defence responses.

Automatic Stress Responses:

Fight Flight Freeze Numb Dissociate Hide Submit

These defence responses remain active even after the traumatic event is over or when something reminds us of the event. These defence responses contribute to keeping our bodies caught up in anxiety loops and/or post-traumatic stress.

2. You have to be loveable as a child or no one will care for you and You Will Die!

Benefit: Seeking positive attention from parents will increases the chances that they will feed us, love us, and shelter us until we grow up.

Disadvantage: If children suffered from abuse, or if their true identity was not validated, seen, or regarded as positive by the parents/caretakers, children risk developing a set of defence responses outlined under Threat 1, as well as a need to seek love, attention and affection from others. Over time, this need to seek becomes so embedded in their actions, decisions and motivations, that it starts to be in conflict with their expressing and being who they really are. Oftentimes, the need to be loved by another is so strong that it overrides the true self entirely. In most cases the true self still tries to come forth, but it is often overridden by self-criticism and feelings of shame. The consequence of overriding the true self is a poorly developed soothing system and an overactive stress response. Furthermore, people risk developing a false identity that is enmeshed with the need to continue to seek the affection of others, which then becomes the soothing mechanism for other’s needs.

On a positive note, the true self will always try to find its way back into awareness. The only thing that prevents the expression and acceptance of the true self is a series of negative beliefs that the child creates about its true nature. Oftentimes children continue to take sides with and stay loyal to those from whom they need love and affection to ensure that they will continue to be taken care of. They can also rebel against things they were taught by their parents. In either case negative beliefs need to be challenged, or the false identity, rebellious behaviour, and people-pleasing behaviours will continue to permeate into adulthood.Here are some negative beliefs that keep people stuck from fully accessing their authentic adult self:

I am bad I am not enough I am not lovable My parents don’t love me I don’t deserve I am all alone I am a failure as a human being All this, and I am going to die 3. You have to be seen in a positive light by your tribe to benefit from their protection and resources as you were more likely to die if you were on your own! Benefit: Being of value to the tribe and being a source of resource will increase the chances that the tribe shares their resources and protects you. Disadvantage: We bring the same survival tools from our upbringing into all our relationships, and many adaptive responses are not healthy and beneficial for an adult. In fact, some adaptive responses can keep us stuck in childlike mentalities, which maintain the survival-terror beliefs outlined above. In other words, adaptively we depend on our upbringing to fit into society and form healthy relationships with others. If the upbringing is congruent with the values of society, the child grows into a well-adjusted adult who is seen as a valuable contributor, ensuring its continued survival. If the upbringing is not congruent with the values of society and if the social rules were taught by force, the child will form negative beliefs about the world, which will continue to be active during adulthood. If the adults do not differentiate and heal their hurt inner parts, they will carry their suffering into their relationships with others. They are also more likely to pass on the same upbringing to their children. In this day and age many people seek who they really are deep down. During their process many are likely to undergo periods of questioning old beliefs that no longer serve them, and curiously explore aspects of themselves that feel more real to them. Some would refer to this process as an awakening, as people start to see themselves in the light of their true selves. It is normal that old wounds and anxiety come up to the surface and for some relationship dynamics to shift. Many people can find themselves questioning major life choices, careers and relationships. Oftentimes these changes are necessary to align with their authentic adults self. Here are some negative beliefs that keep people stuck from fully accessing their authentic adult self:

I don’t have power – I engage in relationship patterns where others have power over me. I don’t have a voice – If I speak up I will be punished. I don’t have a free will – If I don’t obey I will be fired abandoned or persecuted. I am separated from others and the rest of the world – If I show others who I really am, I will be judged and rejected. I am separated from God – I am small, worthless, and insignificant. I am empty – I feel a void inside me and I am overwhelmed by loneliness. I am bad – I am overwhelmed by anger and guilt and I have a hard time feeling deserving of love. I am unforgiveable –I have regrets and aspects within myself that I wish to disown.

All three processes are designed to keep the stress loops active in an organism. The negative beliefs play a role in re-triggering the neurobiological pathways of stress and keep the body in constant alert. Over time the nervous system becomes overtaken by the stress response and it gets hard to soothe. This is why it is necessary to work with the whole system, in emotional physiological, and mental ways, to heal subconscious survival terror responses.

Once these negative beliefs are addressed and uprooted, new beliefs can be formed that are associated with the true self. It is from here that people can step into their self-confidence, self-mastery, self-compassion, and self-love. We would no longer need our defence responses and anxiety to control our lives.

I am a strong believer that we are the creators of our society, and we are all responsible for what we pass on to the younger generations. Change starts within ourselves.



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