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Writer's pictureAdina Dana

Dealing with Self-Criticism and Low Self-Esteem

Updated: May 14, 2023

The levels of Self-criticism and self-esteem we carry inside depend on the way we regard ourselves. If we generally regard ourselves positively, we have lower self-critical thoughts and higher self-esteem, while the opposite is true for negative self-regard, which results in higher levels of self-criticism and lower self-esteem.


High levels of self-criticism and negative self-regard result in low self-esteem and can be difficult to navigate. Very often the self-critical aspects of the self take the stirring wheel and convince the Self that only the way to get through certain situations is by beating yourself up. When the self gets easily convinced by the self-critical parts to let it take control, the rest of the nervous system falls into an abyss of low self-esteem and helplessness. It really isn’t the best deal in the world, but if it's the familiar way, many individuals chose that route, to their own detriment.


Maintaining a high level of self-criticism can impact your mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. It's important to acknowledge these feelings and work towards building a positive self-image. Here are some tips for dealing with self-criticism and low self-esteem.


Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with kindness, care, and understanding. It involves recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that it's okay to fail. Instead of beating yourself up, try to be gentle and supportive. Treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend who is going through a difficult time.


Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is the voice inside your head that tells you that you're not good enough or that you're a failure. Negative self-talk is tricky to change because it is often accompanied by feelings that confirm the validity of those thoughts. “I am bad” is accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt, and the brain thinks “If my feelings match my thoughts, then my thoughts must be true”. Negative Self-talk is there to sabotage the Self and prevent it from seeing the truth of who you really are. Most people don’t realize that shame and guilt are a by-product of negative self-talk. Negative Self- talk is deeply rooted in negative beliefs about who you really are deep down, especially the parts that no one sees and no one knows about, but yourself. The shadow play of “I am bad and no one can know” will continue to breed shame and guilt.


One way to challenge the negative voice starts with challenging the negative belief you hold about yourself. Start with a “What if sentence”


What if I am good?


What if I deserve more, and the reason things have gone wrong is that I always go along with what other people want?


What if I can actually love myself”


What would it be like if I were to be kind to myself, even tho I have “failed” in some way?


Practice Gratitude

Focusing on what you're grateful for can help shift your perspective and boost your mood. Take some time each day to reflect on what you're thankful for, whether it's a supportive friend, a beautiful sunset, or a good cup of coffee.


Set Realistic Goals

Setting realistic goals can help you feel more confident and in control. Start small and build up to bigger goals as you gain more confidence. Celebrate your accomplishments along the way, no matter how small they may seem.


Surround Yourself with Positive People

Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people can have a big impact on your self-esteem. Seek out people who uplift and encourage you, and distance yourself from those who bring you down.


Practice Self-Care

Self-care is essential for maintaining good mental health. Take time to do things that make you feel good, whether it's taking a bubble bath, going for a walk in nature, or reading a good book.


Seek Professional Help

If your self-criticism and low self-esteem are interfering with your daily life, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist can help you work through these feelings and develop strategies for building a positive self-image.


In conclusion, dealing with self-criticism and low self-esteem is not easy, but it's possible. By practicing self-compassion, challenging negative self-talk, practicing gratitude, setting realistic goals, surrounding yourself with positive people, practicing self-care, and seeking professional help if necessary, you can improve your self-esteem and live a happier, more fulfilling life. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect, and you deserve to feel good about yourself.

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